Hello,lads….. How’re ya doin…..
I’m fine, and been quite busy somehow that prevents me from writing a post…..
Okay, off we go….
I wanna ask you something, have you ever felt that you want the time stood still? I mean, we don’t exactly want the time stands still, but more like that we’d like the time to moves very slowly, so that we could enjoy almost everything that happen around us. This is the kind of feeling that going through my mind right now….
This kind of feeling that keep bothering me, exactly when I just got one another semester left on my college (insya allah), before I could start something new. Maybe that I’m just not ready to face it, but It doesn’t mean that I don’t wanna face it. And there’s some reasons that makes me had this kind of feeling. And mostly it’s about my family.
It’s starts few days back, when I had a dinner’s talks with my Ma and Pa. FYI, I’m kinda guy, who’s not often to have a dinner’s talk with his parents. And that night I found something that I have missed for the last three years.
Let me talk about my Ma. My ma, is a kind of mother, who could see almost everything inside her son. When I had a problems, I usually wore a “mask” in my face, so people won’t know, if I was having trouble. But in front of my mom, it won’t work, coz she could see through it and ask ” are you okay???” Then I’m always say that I’m okay with a fake smile on my face, to make her little less worried about me. And, sometimes, we could be in a deep conversations between mother and son.
Then how about my dad? Well, sometimes, I have a thought in my mind, that me and dad, were like the army’s chains of command. If he became the General, then I must be the Corporal First Private Class. All of his rules, must be obeyed, if it’s not, then I should prepared my ass for his boots,hahaha. My dad, is a man, that really hard to impress, so that’s mean, for me, it’s really hard to make my dad smiles and say “I’m proud of you,son!” for everything I have done. So that makes me feel, that my dad, doesn’t give more of his time to pay attention about me. And we never had a deep conversation. But last sunday, for the first time in last three years, we had that kind of “talk”. Last sunday, when he tried to fix some shit-balcony’s door and. I was sat beside him watching, he said to me, ” remember what,son, when you still a kid and a teenager, you’d helped me to fix this kind of thing, like this door, car, electronics, even if I weren’t asking you. You’d even tried to fix your toys on your own. So, why wouldn’t you do something like that now??”. Heard him, said something like that, I’m just stoned beside him, I couldn’t reply his question, I just fall to my deepest state of mind, thinking about hey, dad realizes, what I don’t realize, that I’ve change. That I’ve change so much, that made me not realize, that my dad was giving his attention in his own way. And I feel ashamed having a thought about my dad not giving much attention about me. Maybe I’m the one who’s not giving much attention about my family.
So, that’s the most reason, why I’d want that this next 6 months move slowly, beside another reason that I can’t talk about. So, I’ll try my best, for the next six months, to start giving more time to hanging around with my folks, and I hope, maybe I could find out, who the really hell I am.
Lastly, I’d love to say that I’m sorry to my Ma and Pa, sorry for being such a nutty son, coz,really, I’m not good as both of you thinking about me. Love you Ma and Pa……
Write again later…..
Note :
1. Believe me, I almost crying when I re-read this post….
2. I’m not really good in english, so, if you don’t get what I’m talking about in the post above, please get a translator to suite yourself.
Rizky Lufti 